too late to post thanksgiving crafts....

never

it's been a while...

with out realizing it (at first) i took a blogging break

i didn't even realize till tristan made a comment that i had nothing new for him to read

thanksgiving knocked on my door and i've been whirling around in holiday mode since

we holidayed in oregon at my sister's

have i ever mentioned how much i love oregon?

i'd move there in a heart beat, but certain things hold us back, maybe one day?

this trip was probably one of my favorites

not only did we get amazing thanksgiving food, we were surrounded by good christan families, we all sang hymns, had prayer, did lots of walking, dreaming of moving, and tristan let Jesus into his life! (this girl, this one proud lady)

that weekend, my life changed. (as did tristan's)

my heart is over flowing, and words really can't express

i'm reading a new book. anne lamott's traveling mercies, some thoughts on faith. (which i got for $1.80 on amazon.com!) my pastor suggested her to me. since receiving the book in the mail yesterday i've put it down to sleep, pee, and do a little work...and now to post this. thankfully my boss is off today leaving me able to read all day! now i've been told a lot of people have a hard time with miss anne. that she's harsh and not a typical right-wing christian; she not the typical christian writer. and that's for darn sure. in the last year my views on things have changed a lot, not with just my physical life but how i see things in the Bible and such. being raised in a baptist church i was taught things like that speaking in tongues was a rush and not real (i wasn't taught there was a difference between prayer language and shouting all crazy like), and ladies shouldn't be pastors, and that you needed to dress nice and present yourself in a well manner at church, that anointing oil was weird, and that i needed to watch how i talked with God. for the longest time i would get myself hung up on matters like these, and i even today i find myself getting alittle too worried by some of these. when i first started attending my church i was freaked out. i literally thought satan was tricking me in being there and that it wasn't a good church. what feed into these thoughts were they anointed people, the laid hands and prayed, they talked about Jesus' love for us, they brought things on a personal level with Jesus, they talked about healing and miracles...like real miracles! i would literally sit in the services with my head down praying for God to really open my heart and let me see if i shouldn't be at this church, i prayed that i wouldn't fall into any traps or wrong teachings. during all this there was so much conflict in my heart. it felt so good to be there, like water in the desert but that had to be satan tricking me because i was not raised this way! turns out that satan was tricking me, he was feeding me the worries and the confusion. he was playing on what i thought God should be he was working with the vain i had over my heart. the church, now this was where God wanted me and being there almost 2 years now i can see there is no denying He wants he there. they are my family. they accept me for all my ugliness and faults. being in this safe place where i feel no judgment i have been able to dig deeper finally letting Jesus into my heart, and truly have a relationship with Him. once gaining that true relationship i realized i had been living with God in a box. i was picking and choosing what the creator of the universe could and couldn't do. what a slap in the face to my Lord! not only was i putting Him in a box i was missing out on His love because i was to caught up in the rights and wrongs and the b/s. does it really matter if God uses a woman to preach His good word? does it change the teaching or lose value? who am i to put Him in a box?! who am i to tell God He can't use a woman to spread His love?so what God is teaching me is, it doesn't really matter...don't get wrapped up in small details that will rob us of the truth and purpose. don't stand ground and fight against others that love and want to serve Him. now i'm not saying you should throw your discernment out the window and go with the flow, you should always check teachings and such with the God breathed Bible. and i know there are crazy people out there leading others astray, i'm not talking about these kinds of things. i'm talking small insignificant things, things that don't take away from truth, things that don't change Jesus' love. things that don't matter!
be open to what God can do. be open to what He is doing that people try to deny. be open, take that lid off the box and let God surprise you!

my heart aches. it aches for my daughter. it aches for my family. it aches for God. its so simple. cant you see?! pour Your love onto him Lord, pour Your love. capture him with Your beauty and compassion. let him feel Your presence. this world has turned ugly. the tricks and lies of the enemy are every where. lead us not into temptation Lord. remove temptation. why must the beauty hurt so bad; so it can taste so sweet. can we just fast forward.

being bold with God. the Lord knows my thoughts, He knows my actions. ive tried hiding my true feelings from Him, but it leads to failure. tonight im looking forward to my quite time; its the time i have between my daughter falling asleep to when i fall asleep. now this time is normally not long but i enjoy it. ive set up a date with Jesus for tonights quite time and im going to be bold with Him. im going to (as i call it) throw up on Him. i use this phrase with my friends because its not just talking its literally cleaning my insides out all over who im talking to. i know He'll love it! He longs to have that kind of interaction with us even when the words are not pretty.
this is apart of my story.

there is something about praise music that really opens my heart to Jesus, enough to break down my walls and bring the tears. tears of pain, tears of sorrow, tears of joy, and tears of thankfulness. is it possible to have so many feelings at one time for one thing? i know the season im in is God lead and so is my hurt. so in the midst of my pain i am thankful. thankful for what the Lord has planned even when i do not fully know what is planed. Jesus has promised me He is my husband, and im learning to live that. its a promise i can count on and take comfort in. and i feel there is another promise behind it. healing. healing of myself and of my family.

when i started this blog, i wanted a name for it, a name with meaning. i picked up the child's Bible I had just bought for my daughter and asked the Lord to name my journal. i then closed my eyes and opened the childs Bible and it landed on the passover story.

ive been reading out of that same childs Bible to my daughter every night before bed. the night of 6/4 we read about moses and passover.

i receive Bible verses through text message daily. yesterdays was the Lord would speak to moses face to face. as a man speaks with his friend. exodus 33:11 this is the second time ive received this verse.

after a much needed nap yesterday i flipped through channels on t.v. i stopped on a program that was teaching about the israelites and moses.

Lord, are you trying to tell me something?