as i laid in bed last night; my daughter crashed out next to me and pretty much taking over a queen sized bed with her little body, i looked out and from the depths of my heart said ok Lord im ready to hear You, tell me why You have not healed my marriage. i could hear our puppy restlessly turning in his crate trying to get in just the right position to fall asleep. i watched my daughters night light spin and the fish dance... but nothing, i heard nothing. i fell asleep with a small shrug of disappointment.

this morning as i drove to drop my daughter off sadness over came me. i felt little and unimportant. thoughts of God's great power entered my mind, but not good thoughts. i was stricken with God has the final say. as embarrassed as i am to say i feel hopeless in the fact God could take my child or my life and i would have to just be ok with it, because He has final say and its not about my life but about the bigger picture. i continued on to work and with honesty told the Lord my fear. as i explained it, its not your life came floating in my mind. was that God telling me that? how rude of an answer i thought, or rather how rude can it be misinterpreted. i stopped talking about it and drove the rest of the way to work with sadness. getting to my desk i turned on my computer and started my morning routine. moving things around i realized i left my index cards out that i had written Bible verses on, laying face down i picked them up and turned them over the first card read,
i know o Lord that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps. jeremiah 10:23

today my prayer will be to hear the Lord. for Him to speak to me and be felt. for comfort to over come and peace to be in my life. it will be for the Lord to make Himself known to me.