missing three weeks of church is not my favorite thing to do. in fact being away that long tends to lead to some stumbling, or rather falling flat on my face. it felt so great to walk into our sanctuary. a deep breath in... exhaling a release through a smile; a reassurance of my place there over came me and comfort set in. there were four baptisms today and even with the joy of the moment my heart was heavy. during worship the pastor asked if anyone needed prayer to make their way over to the carpeted area. even before the song had fully started i felt a pulling inside of me, almost like i was chasing someone and not being able to reach them even with my arm stretched out as far as it could. but yet my body did not move. i put my foot down. im not sure why but for a while now ive found myself saying no, Lord... you prove yourself to me by [fill in blank] as if the Lord needs to really prove himself to me, but yet i find myself doing that. as i sat there, eyes filling with tears i said to the Lord, please bring someone to me to pray, if you want me to cry out and be prayed for bring it to me. the service finished and no one came to me to pray and a disappointment came over me a sigh of yet again ive been left with out the proof.
my pastor ends a lot of times by saying blessings; after he said it today he made his way over to me and sat down. we looked at each other, there is such comfort to me to just look in his eyes. my pastor has been a complete blessing to me during the last years trials. even when truth is harsh and painful it never seems to hurt as bad coming from his mouth. he has a gentle way; full of compassion and true love. i look up to him as a daughter would a father. after talking a while and shedding a few tears [ok, maybe a lot of tears... i often leave church wondering why i wore make up] he put an arm around me with his hand clutching my shoulder and the other hand gripped my other shoulder. it was a firm hold full of comfort. he closed his eyes and began praying for me. God did send someone to me to pray. someone who knows my heart and knows my trails. someone whos been there for me since the beginning of this season and has never stopped hoping. my God is faithful and does want to prove Himself to me even when He never should have to. in the midst of this storm i do know the truth and do trust in my Jesus. i may stumble or slightly glance at the road the enemy offers, but in the end i do have full trust in Him and where He's leading my life.